Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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