Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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