What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
