your thong is hanging out like whoa
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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