i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
