oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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