Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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