guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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