Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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