Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
