On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
