Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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