I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
