she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
