at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
