There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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