I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
