Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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