You're my little dorito
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
