am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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