you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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