I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
