im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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