i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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