i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize