Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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