By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
