this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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