Can Purell be used as lube?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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