Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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