Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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