I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize