Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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