I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
