Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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