she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
