I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't put those talents on a resume
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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