Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
