I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
