took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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