I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
love makes seman taste better
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
