Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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