I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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