So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
