yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
