If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
