i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
