He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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