shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
