You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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