Midget sex pt 2 tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
