If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
