Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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