We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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