watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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