I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
