so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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