I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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