I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
