Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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