I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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