My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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