Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
