i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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