I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
do nipples grow back?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
