Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
