maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
FUCK WHALES
I'm bleeding and have questions
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
