hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
