she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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