I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
