someone threw a dead crab at me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize