I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
