Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
