My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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