i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
