how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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