Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
