Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
