At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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