Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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