My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize